Newsletter
September 2011
In this edition
- AM-Win latest version information
- New Version Released this month.
- AM-Win Support Solutions
- Control system in AM-Win. The Customer Tab
- AM-Win - Core stock
tracking
- Business Tips
- Make yourself look bigger on line.
- Windows Tips
- Give your old emails a new name.
- E-Mail - Instant Search and Advanced Search
- Word Tips
- Navigate through your document with thumbnails.
- Getting Started With Mail Merge in Word 2007 on
- Excel Tips
- Goal seeking with Excel's crystal ball.
- Whoops
- Jokes
Printing our newsletter articles in PDF format.
Click on the PDF image below each article to view and print article in
PDF format. Please note that we will always open a PDF file in a new
window.
Latest Version Information
New Version Released this month
Minor update 9.030 is available for download.
Click here to select V9.030 Upgrade. This Version 9 download will also
upgrade any existing Version 9 of AM-WIN without an Install code or license files.
If you have any AM-Win version prior to version 9.0
please click here
before updating.
AM-Win Support Solutions
In the next few newsletters we are going to be looking at Control system in
AM-Win, explaining the options and showing you how to use the features to get the
best results.
The Customer Tab in the control file.
Open Others menu >Control System>System & Company Details>Customer Tab
CUSTOMER TAB

Auto Insert of Delivery Address in Job Item
When you
add a new Customer and Job Item through Invoicing, if a delivery address is
entered for the Customer, this delivery address will be automatically entered
into the delivery details tab for the Job Item.
Customers must have Group
If this box is ticked,
whenever you add a new Customer to the Customer’s Master File, the system will
force you to apply a Customer Grouping (if not already done) when clicking on
the Save button. The setting up of Customer Groups is beneficial when doing mailouts and reporting, so information can be isolated to a particular group of
Customers e.g., sales to fleet Customers only or a letter sent to only retail
Customers etc.
Customers must have Phone Number
If this box is
ticked, when a new Customer is added to the system and a phone number has not
been entered, the system will force you to enter the required phone number
before the entry for the new Customer can be saved.
Print Open Item Statement by age using Terms - If you
have Terms set up for your Customers in the Customer’s Master File, you can now
print your Customer Statements according to the Terms set in the Customer’s
Master File. For example, if you have Customers set to 7 days in the Terms in
the Customer’s Master File, the Statement will print with ‘Current’ and
‘Overdue’ in the Ageing depending on the date of the invoice/s. Current
will be all invoices within the last 7 days, and Overdue will be all invoices
dated later than 7 days ago.
Update Correspondence on email of Customer & Supplier
If this box is ticked and you send a Customer Invoice or Supplier Order via
email, the system will record this in the Correspondence Tab of the Customer’s
or Supplier’s Master File.

Enable Recost in Customer History
Sometimes it happens that when a
Stock item is allocated to a Customer Invoice from a Purchase Order that the
actual Supplier Invoice has not been received yet, so the true cost is not yet
available in AM-Win, but the Customer’s Invoice needs to be finalised. This
option, if ticked, will make a Recost button to be available on the Customer
History screen. If you then highlight a Customer Invoice, and click on the
Recost button, the cost of the Invoice will be recalculated according to the
current Average Cost held in the Stock Masterfile, once adjusted after the
relevant Supplier Invoice/s have been entered into AM-Win. This will in turn
affect the statistics for that invoice.
Activate Progressive Invoice Option on Customer Insert
If you require all of your Customer Invoices to be Progressive, this option,
if ticked, will automatically tick the box in the Customer’s Master File ‘Use
Progressive Invoice’ whenever a new Customer is inserted. Progressive Invoicing
allows a Job to be finalised in stages, and if necessary to different “Bill To”
Customers.
Auto Increment Membership Number on Customer Insert
When adding Customers into AM-Win, you can have the system insert your
Membership Numbers. Under Others>Control System>Business Options you can set the
starting number for your Membership Numbers, and the system will then Auto
Increment the numbers from that point if this box is ticked. Alternatively, if
you have your own premade Membership cards which have a Barcode or preset
Membership Number on them, you would not tick this option, and would instead,
scan the Barcode straight into the Membership area in the Customer’s Master File
or manually enter the number from the card.

Enable Membership Number field for Manual Update
If
you have your own premade Membership cards which have a Barcode or preset
Membership Number on them, you would tick this option, and then scan the Barcode
straight into the Membership area in the Customer’s Master File or manually
enter the preset Membership Number.

The Workshop Diary
This is for the new AM-Win operators among us - the old hands will be flying
the wings off the workshop diary by now - then again maybe a bit of revision
won't hurt. Either way here we go.
How to use the Workshop Diary
AM-WIN has a workshop diary where you can view jobs booked in for the day, or
extra notes for the selected day.
You can also edit a job and look at the available time for each day. This
option can be viewed by clicking on Customers > Workshop Diary.
You can set the Workshop Diary to open up automatically when you first open
AM-Win. This can be done by clicking on the Others Menu and selecting Control
System. The Control File Menu will appear. Select the Systems Tab and under the
Options heading, tick the Workshop Diary on Opening AM-Win checkbox. The
Workshop Diary will now open when you first start up AM-Win.
When the workshop diary opens, the Employee Availability window will appear
over the top of the Workshop Diary screen (This feature can be configured by
accessing the Control System, and clicking on the Systems Tab, and tick or
un-tick the Do not show Emp Availability on opening of Workshop Diary / Emp
Master File). This window displays the available employees and the hours per day
chargeable for that employee.
This information is obtained from the Employee file within AM-Win. Double
clicking on each employee will mark that employee as in or as away for the day.
Once selected the employee will remain in or away until it is changed. The total
values of hours available for the day are then calculated according to the
employees who are marked as in for that day. Clicking the Employee button from
within the diary screen can change these details. This button is above the Print
button with a person on it.
By clicking on any of the days on the calendar, you can view any jobs booked
in for that day at the bottom of the workshop diary. The jobs displayed are
based on any saved jobs, which you have done within the Job or Workshop
Invoicing options, or booked in from the diary.
You can also view any notes you have written for that particular day. To
write notes for the day, just select the day you want on the calendar, and then
click onto the feather icon to give a blank notepad area and type into it any
notes you want. You can clear the notes by pressing the Clear Note button
situated underneath the notepad.
Whenever there are jobs booked in for a day, the date will appear in Red, and
the number of jobs booked in will appear in brackets at the bottom right corner
of the date. Whenever there are notes for that day, but no jobs booked in, the
date will appear in blue.
At the top right corner of the diary window, the total hours available for
the day will be displayed. If jobs have been allocated an estimated time then
the available hours will be displayed at the top right hand corner of the date.
The available hours are calculated from the total hours less the hours estimated
for all jobs booked in for that day. If you change to a new day by clicking on
that day with the mouse then ensure that clicking on the employee button sets
the correct total hours. It may be that an apprentice attends TAFE 2 days a week
and will not be in tomorrow or the next day. It may also be that you are aware
that a staff member will be on holidays during a certain period.
The workshop diary will automatically open displaying today’s date. However,
pressing the Today button located at the top of the workshop diary can also
access the date.
To view a different month to the current month, click on the buttons which
only have one arrow on them. This will move the months forward or backwards.
To view a different year, click on the buttons, which have 2 arrows on them.
This will move you forward or backwards in years.
You are able to book in new jobs directly from the Workshop diary! To do this,
select and click on the date you want to book in the job for. Then press the
Insert button which is below the Print button with a Plus symbol on it.
This will open up an Insert New Job window. To insert a customer, click on
the button next to the customer field, and select a customer. The Select
Customer job item window will appear from which you can choose the job item for
the job.
Type the Order number in the Order number field.
Select the job date or leave it as the current default date.
Enter the estimated hours to complete the job, which is used by the diary to
calculate the available hours for the day.
Type in or select a job description from the job description file. The job
descriptions can be added by clicking on the Description Button next to the
Description field. The POS/Job Descriptions window appears.
You may use an existing description by selecting a preset description, insert
a new description by selecting the Insert button, delete a description by
selecting the delete button, or edit an existing description by click on the
Change button.
The job description will be automatically set to the default description that
you have created in the Control System under the Invoice Statement Tab. If left
blank then the system will use a default description of “General Work”.
JOB NUMBER
Within the job-invoicing screen there is a field called Job Number, which
lies, at the top of the screen. Usually this field is automatically filled in
once you save a job
However you now have the option to manually type your own job number into
this field BEFORE you save the invoice, click into the job number field and type
in a job number. This cannot be the same as a previous job number.
Select the Status (or salesperson) by clicking on the Status button. A status
can be the salesperson looking after this job or the mechanic or a job status
such as “waiting on parts” or waiting for customer approval” etc. The
salesperson or status can be updated by clicking on Others > Maintenance >
Salesperson File.
Click the OK button or press the Enter key. This job will be added to the
bottom of the Workshop Diary screen for the day it is booked in for. You
can edit or delete these jobs located at the bottom of the Workshop Diary by
clicking on the job so that it is highlighted, and then clicking on the Edit Job
or Delete Job button.
BUTTONS
Print
Clicking on the print button will provide you with 2 choices. You can select
either a Job Card or a Job Summary.
Print Job Card
If you select to print a job card from the Print button, you will have the
choice to print all jobs for the selected day or just the single job that is
currently highlighted at the bottom of the screen or to cancel the selection.
Print Summary
If you choose to print the job summary from the Print button then you are
asked for a date range to print the summary for. The date range will default to
the current day. If a larger date range is selected then the report will show
all jobs booked in for that date range. Each day will be separated so that the
jobs for each day are printed under that day as well as any notes for that day
and the total value of work in progress for that day. At the end of the report
the total value of all jobs for the date range selected will be printed.
Workshop Invoicing (red toolbox)
You can either double click on a selected job or highlight the job, or click
on the invoice button. This will open the selected job into the
workshop-invoicing module so that the job can be updated and/or finalised. See
the workshop invoice module for more details.
Update Customer
This button brings up the Customer and Job Item details for the selected job
and allows these details to be updated. See the Insert Customer and Job Item
help for more details.
Refresh list (curved arrow)
This button refreshes the screen with all of the current details. If a job is
added, finalised or changed from other areas of AM-Win then it is not
automatically updated from an open diary window. The refresh button updates the
dairy with any details that have changed since the diary was last opened or
refreshed.
Labour Allocation
The workshop diary edit screen now has the Labour Allocation function within
the diary screen to enable you to record start time, finished time, time taken
for a job and the assigned technician.
Show all
Will show all of the current jobs in draft.
Current
In the Workshop Diary screen there is a button called “Current”. This button
allows you to move all of the jobs in progress prior to the current date forward
to the current date. All un-finalised jobs will now be moved to today. Beware
that this may also bring forward jobs that are un-finalised because they are
duplicated or should have been deleted.
Status
You can search for jobs based on sales person or status key. Simply click on
the status button and choose a status

Business Tips

How to seem bigger online
One of the greatest benefits of operating online is that it effectively
presents a level playing field. A small business can have just as impressive and
effective an online presence as a multi-national competitor without depleting
the marketing budget.
The key to successfully doing this is in the details of an online presence.
Here are five points to consider when trying to maximise the impression your
site leaves on visitors.
It’s all in the name
It’s very important that the name of your business doesn’t draw any
conclusions for prospective customers as to its scope and size.
“A lot of accounting firms trade on a person’s name, for example,” says Paul
Meissner, director of Five Ways Chartered Accountants.
“It might feel good for the director to use his name (eg, Harry's Auto Parts) but it really limits
the view that the customer has of the company. It limits you in building the
business, expanding the business, or indeed attracting larger clients, because
they think you’re one person doing it all.
“By developing a brand (eg Cheaper Auto Parts) , you could attract different types of clients,”
After the business name, the first clue to the size of a company is an
unprofessional domain name,
Nothing indicates a small business more than using an internet
provider-based domain,” (eg autoparts@telstra.com.au). “Owning your own domain (eg
admin@autoparts.com.au) is the absolute first step you must have to be a credible
business.”
There are other advantages to having your own domain name when it comes to
making you look bigger than you are. Even if you are a one man band sitting at
home doing business in your bedroom you can have admin@yourdomain.com.au,
accounts@yourdomain.com.au or
sales@yourdomain.com.au. Now you look like you have several different
departments, handling the vast amount of business that you do that may or may not be staffed by 50 people - no-one will know for
sure. And all these great e-mail addresses are diverted to one e-mail address - you @yourdomain.com.au.
Professional design
Next, it’s important that the website is designed well. A poorly
designed site will detract exponentially from your credibility as a business.
Pay a professional to write your site and set up your search engine optimisation
(SEO] Done right you'll get your money back in spades. Writing a web site
is not easy - it is hugely timely consuming and there are many things to learn
and master before becoming proficient. Do it on the cheap yourself and
unless you have a professional to guide you you'll get back what you paid -
absolutely nothing.
“You don’t have to spend tens of thousands of dollars on a web designer but a
well designed site will make you look like you’re a reasonably sized business,”
Content is still king
Not only is it crucial for generating traffic for your website, but content –
particularly rich content, like video – is also useful for making your business
look more authoritative.
They say a picture speaks / saves a thousand words. If that's the case a
video saves a million words and positions you straight away. It’s like being
seen on television,
Creating informational products shows your area of expertise, she continues.
By showing your area of expertise, and getting it out there to a wider space, it
opens doors of opportunity.
Get your SEO right
While search engine optimisation isn’t the be-all and end-all for maximising
a business’s credibility online, it can’t hurt for a site to rank alongside
those of its larger competitors in search results.
The liberal use of keywords in your online copy is crucial for attracting a
target market through search. If you’re not sure which keywords you should be
targeting, try using
Google’s keyword research tool.
It’s also worth having a look at the copy and meta-data on competitor’s sites
to gain a feel for the language and keywords they’re using. You can find the
meta-data within meta-tags in a site’s source code. To view this, visit a
competitor’s site, select the ‘view source’ option in your browser’s ‘View’
menu, and search for clauses like ‘metaname=”title”. It will be near the top of
the page and you will see keyword and page description right underneath the
title.


Less is more
Just as with the design, less is more when it
comes to what information you include about your business.
Many websites include too much information, “Keeping it clean, clear crisp,
concise, and easy to understand is crucial. Not many people go beyond your
homepage. If there’s more than a paragraph, they won’t read it. In a
quick grab, they should know the essentials about your business.”
Though it’s vital to include contact information on a website, the way in
which you do so can help or hinder your business’s image online. Try to keep it
in plain site on the front page of your site with references in every page. If
your visitor has to visit or phone you to buy from you you'll need to make it a
simple as possible for them to find out the details he/she needs to buy.
Frustrate them they'll go away within 10 second flat.

Windows Tips
Today’s email programs are pushing the point that our day to day lives
revolves around communication. Sharing emails, appointments or tweets with
others or simply keeping ourselves on track with to-do lists and feeds. The
email program is already the nerve center of most of our activities. If your
day starts with a click on the Outlook 2007 icon and ends with it, then these
tips and tricks could help to keep you clicking all the more.
Give your old emails a new name.
We all have “˜threads’ of email conversations in our inbox. Mails which
started out with a “˜Hi’ in the subject field and after a few exchanges started
discussing something important like a new salary breakdown.
The content has shifted but the starter subject line does nothing for us.
Changing the subject line to reflect the content is a best practice especially
when you have hundreds of mails archived in Outlook. Changing the subject line
is easy. Open the email with the subject line in need of change in a new
window. Place the cursor on the subject line and type in your new appropriate
subject. Confirm and close.


Find the needle in the haystack with Instant Search and
Advanced Search
MS Outlook 2007 on offers two different ways to search for emails, documents
and files.
Instant Search as the name suggests, starts matching the searched item with
the search term as you begin typing. Within each item, the search term gets
highlighted in yellow. You can configure a few search options by clicking the
solid downward arrow. You can fine tune your search by using the Query Builder.
Instant Search is a part of Windows Desktop search which indexes all content in
the computer.

Advanced Find is really for that very tiny needle in the haystack. Bring up
Advanced Find by pressing CTRL + SHIFT + F. You have a lot of options you can
use in the three tabs of the box. A combination of a few criteria leads to
pinpointed and quick results.


MS Word Tips
Navigate through your document with thumbnails.
When you're working on a long document, it is easy to lose your place.
And you can spend a lot of time scrolling through your document to find a
particular section.
But in Word 2007 on, there is an easy way to navigate through your document.
You can turn on the Thumbnails view.
With Thumbnails view, you'll see small pictures of each page of your
document. The thumbnails are too small to read. However, you'll see the general
layout of the pages, including pictures and other objects.
Each thumbnail is numbered, so you can easily jump to a specific page. When
you click on a thumbnail, Word will automatically open that page in the main
document area. You can begin editing without using the arrow keys to move the
cursor or using the scroll bar.
To open the Thumbnails view, open the View ribbon by clicking View. Then, in
the Show/Hide section, select Thumbnails. On the left side of the screen, a pane
will open containing thumbnails of your document's pages.

Getting Started With Mail Merge in Word 2007 on
There may be times when you would like to send something out to a group [e.g. your customers] by snail mail instead of using an e-mail broadcast.
So you've designed your document and you have the list of people that you want to send it to - now you need to make up mailing labels and then you want to
ensure that each of your letters are personally addressed - e.g. Dear Bob or Dear Mrs Jones.
So you need mail merge.
Starting Your Mail Merge Document

Click Start Mail Merge on the Mailings ribbon and select the type of document you’d like to create.
For example, you can select letters, envelopes, or labels. Or, select Step by Step Mail Merge Wizard for more help creating your document.
Selecting Recipients for Mail Merge Letters

Click Select Recipients on the Mailings ribbon to add recipients to the mailing.
You can opt to create a new database of recipients. You can also opt to use an existing list or Outlook contacts.
Adding Recipients to Your Mail Merge Database

In the New Address List Box, begin entering your contacts.
You can use the Tab key to move between fields. Each set of fields is referred to as an entry. To add additional recipients, click the New Entry button. To delete an entry, select it and click Delete Entry. Click Yes to
confirm the deletion.
Adding and Deleting Mail Merge Fields

You may wish to delete or add fields types to your mail merge document.
You can do that easily. Just click the Customize Columns button. The Customize Columns dialog box opens. Then, click Add, Delete or Rename to alter the field types. You can also use the Move Up and Move Down buttons to
rearrange the order of the fields. When you're done, click OK.
Once you've added all your recipients, click OK on the New Address List dialog box. Name the data source and click Save.
Inserting a Merge Field in Your Document

To insert a field into your document, click Insert Merge Field on the Mailings ribbon. Select the field you would like to insert. The field name appears where you have the cursor located in your document.
You can edit and format the text surrounding the field. Formats applied to
the field will carry over to your finished document. You can continue to add fields to your document.
Previewing Your Mail Merge Letters

Before you print your letters, you should preview them to check for errors. In particular, pay attention to spacing and punctuation surrounding the
fields. You will also want to make sure you have inserted the correct fields in the correct places.
To preview the letters, click Preview Results on the Mailings ribbon. Use the arrows to navigate through the letters.
Correcting Errors in Mail Merge Fields

You may notice an error in the data for one of your documents. You cannot alter this data in the merge document. Instead, you'll need to fix it in the data source.
To do this, click Edit Recipient List on the Mailings ribbon. In the box that opens, you can alter the data for any of your recipients. You can also
limit the recipients. Simply uncheck the box next to recipients' names to omit them from the merge operation. When you're done, click OK.
Finalising Your Mail Merge Documents

After you've reviewed your documents, you're ready to finalise them by completing the merge. Click the Finish & Merge button on the Mailings ribbon.
You can opt to edit individual documents, print the documents, or email them. If you opt to print or email your documents, you'll be prompted to enter a range. You can opt to print all, one, or a set of contiguous
letters. Word will walk you through the process for each.

Microsoft Excel Tips
Excel's Crystal Ball

Excel's goal seek can offer you a way to calculate a number of different
"what if" type scenarios. We might want to know how much our sales need to go up
to achieve an extra 5K of profit per month or how much we would make a year
extra if we put another rep on the road based on the current costs of our
existing rep.
Goal Seek is used to get a particular result when you're not too sure of the
starting value. For example, if the answer is 56, and the first number is 8,
what is the second number? Is it 8 multiplied by 7, or 8 multiplied by 6? You
can use Goal Seek to find out. We'll try that example to get you started, and
then have a go at a more practical example.
Create the following Goal Seek Spreadsheet in Excel 2007

In the spreadsheet above, we know that we want to multiply the number in B1
by the number in B2. The number in cell B2 is the one we're not too sure of. The
answer is going in cell B3. Our answer is wrong at the moment, because we have a
Goal of 56. To use Goal Seek to get the answer, try the following:
From the Excel menu bar, click on Data
Locate the Data Tools panel and the What if Analysis item. From the What if
Analysis menu, select Goal Seek
The Goal Seek dialogue box.

The first thing Excel is looking for is "Set cell". This is not very well
named. It means "Which cell contains the Formula that you want Excel to use".
For us, this is cell B3. We have the following formula in B3:
= B1 * B2
So enter B3 into the "Set cell" box, if it's not already in there.
The "To value" box means "What answer are you looking for"? For us, this is
56. So just type 56 into the "To value" box
The "By Changing Cell" is the part you're not sure of. Excel will be
changing this part. For us, it was cell B2. We're weren't sure which
number, when multiplied by 8, gave the answer 56. So type B2 into the box.
You Goal Seek dialogue box should look like ours below:

Click OK and Excel will tell you if it has found a solution:

Click OK again, because Excel has found the answer. Your new spreadsheet will
look like this one:

As you can see, Excel has changed cell B2 and replace the 6 with a 7 - the
correct answer.
We'll now try a more practical example.
Goal Seek Number Two - Consider this problem:
Your business has a modest profit of 25,000. You've set yourself a new profit
Goal of 35,000. At the moment, you're selling 1000 items at 25 each. Assume that
you'll still sell 1000 items. The question is, to hit your new profit of 35,000,
by how much do you have to raise your prices?
Create the spreadsheet below, and we'll find a solution with Goal Seek.

The spreadsheet is split into two: Current Sales, and Future Sales. We'll be
changing the Future Sales with Goal Seek. But for now, enter the same values for
both sections. The formula to enter for B4 is this:
= B2 * B3
And the formula to enter for E4 is this:
= E2 * E3
The current Price Per Item is 25.00. We want to change this with Goal Seek,
because our prices will be going up to hit our new profits of 35,000. So try
this:
From the Excel menu bar, click on Data
Locate the Data Tools panel and the What if Analysis item. From the What if
Analysis menu, select Goal Seek
The following dialogue box appears:

For "Set cell", enter E4. This is where the formula is. The "To Value" is
what we want our new profits to be. So enter 35000. The "By changing cell" is
the part we're not sure of. For us, this was the price each item needs to be
increased by. This was coming from cell E3 on our spreadsheet. So enter E3 in
the "By changing cell" box. Your Goal Seek dialogue box should now look like
this:

Click OK to see if Excel can find an answer:

Excel is now telling that it has indeed found a solution. Click OK to see the
new version of the spreadsheet:
Goal Seek has found our answer

Our new Price Per Item is 35. Excel has also changed the Profits cell to 35
000.
Exercise
You've had a meeting with your staff, and it has been decide that a price
change from 25 to 35 is not a good idea. A better idea is to sell more items.
You still want a profit of 35 000. Use Goal Seek to find out how many items
you'll have to sell to meet your new profit figure.

Note:
Please note that we do not provide support for our Word and Excel tips as
they are provided by a third party. If you need further information why not
try using Google - Cut and paste the heading of our tip into Google's search
box. You'll be amazed at the information available.
Whoops
Jokes
Easy, William, stay cool, William
A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and
his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson.
It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child
screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle;
and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles.
Meanwhile, Granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled
voice, "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . Easy, boy."
Another outburst, and she hears the granddad calmly say, "It's okay,
William, just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in
there, boy."
At the checkout, the little terror is throwing items out of the cart,
and Granddad says again in a controlled voice, "William, William, relax
buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes; stay cool,
William."
Very impressed, the woman goes outside where the grandfather is loading
his groceries and the boy into the car.
She said to the elderly gentleman, "It's none of my business, but you
were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time,
you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got,
you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very
lucky to have you as his grandpa."
"Thanks," said the grandfather, "but I'm William . . . The little
horror's name is Kevin."
Blue silk pyjamas
A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go
fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his Friends
We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that
Promotion I've been wanting, so could you please pack enough Clothes for a week
and set out my rod and fishing box, we're Leaving from the office and I'll
swing by the house to pick my things up" " Oh! Could you please pack my new blue
silk pyjamas."
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy but did exactly what her husband asked.
The following weekend he came home a little tired but otherwise looking good.
The wife welcomed him home and asked if he caught many fish?
He said, "Yes! Lots of Salmon, some Bluegill, and a few Swordfish. But why
didn't you pack my new blue silk pyjamas like I asked you?"
The wife replied, "I did. They're in your fishing box ..."
You must be the luckiest man on Earth
A man goes into the doctors feeling a little ill
The doctor checks him over and says, 'Sorry, I have some bad news, you have
"Yellow 24", a really nasty virus.
It's called Yellow 24 because it turns your blood yellow and you usually only
have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure so just go home and enjoy your
final precious moments on earth.‚
So he trudges home to his wife and breaks the news.
Distraught, she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never
been there with her before.
They arrive at the bingo and with his first card he gets four corners and wins
$35.
Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins $320
Then he gets the full house and wins $1000.
Then the National Game comes up and he wins that too getting $380,000.
The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says,
'Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a
line, the full-house and the national game on the same card.
You must be the luckiest man on Earth!'
'Lucky?' he screamed. 'Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24.
'I'll be darned,' says the bingo caller. 'You've won the meat raffle as well!!
Until next month

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